i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
