..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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