told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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