we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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