bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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