O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
