I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
