The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
