1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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