When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize