The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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