remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
