I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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