I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
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Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
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I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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