i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
