so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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