We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize