I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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