I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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