did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
