If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
