i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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