May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I want her autograph on my taint
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
