I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!