im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.