Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.