Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible