She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
