Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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