dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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