i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
