so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You can't just leave with hair like that
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
