I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
