I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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