What a fucking waste of an outfit
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
