They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
