So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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