Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
