HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
