Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
