I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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