I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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