Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
