What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
