There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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