stop calling my apartment porn island.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
