he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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