this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
