the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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