Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
