New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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