and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
