Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
