Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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