fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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