Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
