ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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