i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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