My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
