Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
BRING THE BAGELS
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
