chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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