Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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