Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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